Overcoming emotional losses

What Causes Emotional Pain And Emotional Losses?

Emotional losses is Losing someone or something you love or care deeply about is very painful. You may experience all kinds of difficult emotions and it may feel like the pain and sadness you’re experiencing will never let up. These are normal reactions to a significant loss. But while there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can renew you and permit you to move on.

Many people experience emotional trauma and emotional losses during their childhood due to a variety of factors such as neglect, abuse, abandonment, or loss of parent. Emotional pain and emotional losses during adulthood may occur due to the end of a relationship, divorce, loss of a loved one, being a victim of crime, substance abuse, retrenchment or loss of employment.

Often, where severe trauma is experienced, the person may be continuously haunted by recurring nightmares and mental images, as in the case of a war veteran or a rape victim.

Others who suffer from emotional pain and emotional losses may find themselves unable to stop dwelling on past hurts and disappointments, and may struggle to let go of the painful memories. They may find themselves in a cycle of guilt and punishment – reliving the event over and over again in their minds.

If You Feel Stuck in Grief and emotional losses

While most bereaved people are resilient and bounce back from their loss on their own, some get stuck in grief and emotional losses and may be helped with therapy. The counselling may involve telling their story of loss, with the therapist sometimes helping the person to re-frame her experience in a more accurate and positive way. The therapist can also help the person to develop new goals and re-engage with life.
We sometimes see similar grief reactions in people in our program, who may dwell on their losses and experience a sense of helplessness. Sometimes being in a group with other people who have CFS and FM is enough to inspire a fresh view of their situation. Feeling understood and having models of success adjustment provides the motivation to create a new life. At other times, however, the individual attention provided by professional help can be crucial.
We also see people come out the other side of grief and emotional losses, accepting their new life and energized by new opportunities. As one person in our program said, “my life now is better than it was before I got sick; the positives far outweigh the negatives.”

 

Solutions That Can Save a Relationship

It’s the rare couple that doesn’t run into a few bumps in the road in any relationship. If you recognize ahead of time, though, what those relationship problems might be, you’ll have a much better chance of getting past them.

Relationship Problem: Communication

• Make an actual appointment with each other. If you live together, put the cell phones on vibrate, put the kids to bed, and let voicemail pick up your calls.
• If you can’t “communicate” without raising your voices, go to a public spot like the library, park, or restaurant where you’d be embarrassed if anyone saw you screaming.
• Set up some rules — like not interrupting until the other is through or banning phrases such as “You always …” or “You never ….”
• Use body language to show you are listening. Don’t doodle, look at your watch, or pick at your nails. Nod so the other person knows you’re getting the message, and rephrase if you need to. For instance, say, “What I hear you saying is that you feel as though you have more chores at home, even though we’re both working.” If you’re right, the other can confirm. If what the other person really meant was, hey, you’re a slob and you create more work for me by having to pick up after you, he or she can say so, but in a nicer way.

Relationship counselling can offer the chance to examine our patterns of interacting with those around us to allow us to lead healthier and happier lives. We can improve our relationships with work colleagues, friends or an intimate partner when we make conscious choices and learn new skills.

Managing conflict is one of the corner stones to improving relationships. It is unrealistic to hope to avoid it. Differences can be acknowledged with respect to allow people to co-exist in any environment – at work or play. Learning the skills to negotiate and communicate better can allow unhealthy patterns to change.

Understanding the value of self-esteem can help address difficult issues with the greatest chance of success. Transactional Analysis and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy are just two of a vast array of tools which can help focus on healthier ways to deal with people. Individual counselling can help build confidence and self-esteem.

Neglect of the relationship

Research shows that the foundation of a happy relationship is friendship. Put simply, this means that you can enjoy each other’s company, share values, interests, friends and extended family, and believe you care, support, understand, and in every way are ‘there’ for each other and work together as a team.

This friendship needs to be nurtured, because if neglected it will inevitably deteriorate. This means couples need to be regularly spending time together doing things, talking about things that matter to each partner, and making plans for the future. This seems obvious, but work pressures and other personal issues, the demands of parenting, and the general busyness of life mean that we too easily put off spending the necessary time together to stay connected.

As a result couples drift apart. This is often the case for high achievers, parents of teenagers, or ‘empty nesters’ who have neglected their relationship earlier on.

 

A Brief History Of The Bachelor Parties Or Stag Party

A brief history of the stag party

 

A stag party (Canada, South Africa and the United States), also known as a stag party, stag night or stag do (especially in the UK), a bull’s party (South Africa), or a buck’s party or buck’s night (Australia), is a party held for a man shortly before he enters marriage, to celebrate his “last night of freedom” or merely to spend time with his male friends, who are often at his wedding party afterwards. A bachelor party is usually planned by the best man or other friends of the groom.

The stag party, goes back much further than you’d expect. It’s rooted in ancient history — as early as the 5th century B.C. It is believed that the ancient Spartans were the first to make a celebration out of the groom’s last night as a single man. Spartan soldiers held a dinner in their friend’s honour and made toasts on his behalf — with, one assumes, a Spartan sense of decorum. Since then, the events have generally grown more raucous.

In 1896, a stag party thrown by Herbert Barnum Seeley — a grandson of P.T. Barnum — for his brother was raided by police after rumours circulated that a famous belly dancer would be performing nude. Before his wedding to Gloria Hatrick, Jimmy Stewart’s infamous bash at the Beverly Hills hangout Chasen’s included midgets popping out of a serving dish.

The reference to stag and bucks also has strong male conartations. The leader of the pack or herd, virile, male vigour and ardour, males in their prime identified with strength and vitality. There’s another stag connection with male rites of passage – again possibly involving drinking alcohol to excess and  soliciting the favours of ladies who are prepared happily to remove all their clothing for the appropriate sum. The Horned God referred to in both Celtic and early English mythology was a symbol of all things male –  the Celts called him Cernunnos. Legend from these times is often confused, but it seems clear that in pre-Christian times, Brits definitely worshipped a large hairy god who sported antlers, ran around with the Einheriar, or wild hunt.

As to the word bachelor, again its history is murky. The earliest meaning of bachelor in English is ‘a young knight who followed the banner of another’. This reference is first found in the late thirteenth century.  The use of the word in the context of ‘an unmarried man’, is found in Chaucer in the late fourteenth century.

The English word, seems to come from Old French. The source of the Old French word, many believe, probably comes from a  Latin word baccalaris ‘farmhand’ but who really knows well your guess is as good as the next man!

Bereavement And Grief

Everyone’s experience of grief and loss is unique. It is normal to feel sad and even angry when a person close to us dies or leaves. People can experience similar feelings when a relationship ends.

Mourning is a ‘cycle of loss’ which often includes denial, fear, loneliness, grief, anger and letting go. It is a painful process but allows us to come to terms with the loss.
Grief, although normal, can manifest itself differently in people. Some people move through its different stages almost effortlessly and others can get stuck at Read more

Understanding anger – Anger Management and Control

Understanding Anger

Anger is the natural emotion created in a fight-or-flight situation by the physiology of your mind and body.  When you sense a threat  your mind generates fear and anger. Understanding anger is a process. The fear you generate is part of a flight response from your physiology. Anger is the emotional energy you generate for the fight against that perceived threat.  What can be confusing is that your mind creates fear and anger even when the threat is just imagined.

Emotions like anger are natural and real. The difficulties associated with understanding anger are many fold. Even if the threat is imagined the anger you create is just as real and powerful. However, the reasons you generate anger aren’t always real. If you aren’t aware of how your mind is imagining scenarios of Read more

Writing A Stand Out First Message On A Online Dating Website

1) Message her, don’t “wink” or “intrigue” her.

Most dating sites have a flirty option which allows you to express your interest without having to actually message a person.

In general, this is not a good way for a guy to approach a girl on an online dating site. It says “Hey, I might be sort of interested in you, but I’m going to let you do all the legwork.”

Don’t give her a nudge and expect her to then message you, because she probably Read more

Latest Online Dating News and Advice

Online dating is now the third most popular way to meet a potential partner and is a great way to cast your net a little wider than your immediate social circle; yet despite this, there still seems to be many myths surrounding it. If you haven’t tried online dating yet or you’re thinking about trying it but are put off by what you’ve heard listen up, because Independent Dating are here to dispel some of those nasty rumours.

Make sure to upload only the Read more

The recipe for happiness? An enduring marriage and an affair with lots of sex

The setting is the quiet corner of an Italian restaurant in the City; the players are George, an IT specialist, and Zoe, who wears a pretty dress and a big smile; they drink an especially good bottle of wine and when they get to coffee he reaches over and kisses her on the mouth. She surprises him by kissing him back. To onlookers it might be the classic opening scene of a traditional romance.

Yet both parties are married to other people, whom they have no intention of Read more

Has The Dating Scene Changed In The Last Twenty Years

The dating scene… This usually brings up images of beautiful women, smooth-talking men, waiting for a call, wondering if the other person feels the way you do, heights of passion and the agonies of breaking up. For most people, the dating scene is not an end in itself; rather it is a means to finding a long-term relationship.

When you meet someone new, the internet allows you to verify whether people are who they claim to be. You can Google that person, find photos, articles or do Read more

When It’s Time to Leave a Relationship

You’ve given it your all. You’ve even tried counselling. You’re considering leaving the relationship and even though things still aren’t working right, you’re not sure if leaving the relationship is the best thing to do. We talk about when to leave a relationship in this article so you can decide for yourself if leaving the relationship you are in is right for you.

Talking with your partner about your hopes and fears concerning your relationship can help you establish where you stand. Knowing how they really feel about you and what they want can show you if you have similar aims, or whether you are Read more